Being trained as an engineer I have been living so far in the quest for the perfect mathematical life model: a simple one, with few variables and some magic formulas than can constrain the uncertainties of the future into a pre-defined range with small and controlled variability. A scheme derived by the example of my parents: get a degree, get a job, get married and breed a family, buy a home and grow your capital, take two-three weeks vacation in expensive resorts (didn’t you deserve it?), etc, etc.
Not surprisingly at all, the company I work for granted me the requested two months’ leave of absence with no pay, no medical coverage, no accruals for seniority, or yearly bonuses. As said, this was already expected but it’s quite a hard impact to face the reality in front of a Letter of Undertaking.
The fear of losing financial income is similar to other fundamental fears which dig deeply inside our stability controls. In a way is similar to the fear of the dark, or the fear of death. It’s all about the loss of reassurance of the future to be exactly as it is now. It adds a few levels of complication into the perfect life model…..
But, is this not exactly what am I trying to do? Is it not an attempt to allow some higher level of uncertainty in the plan and be ready to accept my future for what it is and when it is?
A true change cannot be faced in total comfort, and the challenge now is to replace stability and trust in the future in a financially comfortable condition with stability and trust based on a higher confidence level on my own character in all conditions. Again no formulas are available, only some pain, lot of time and a few smiles.